What Lies Beneath by Melyssa Winchester
Teaser - April 12, 2016
Kayden's Letter to Dean
Dean,
I
don’t know what I did to make you so mad at me.
Maybe
it’s because you think it’s my fault Mom left.
That
I cried too much.
Cared
too much.
Maybe
it’s not Mom leaving at all, but you ending up with me as a brother that makes
you hate me.
Maybe
you really wanted to be on your own.
Have
Mom and Dad all to yourself.
Whatever
the reason is, I really wish you didn’t.
I
wish that things could be the way they were when I was four.
When
you would come into my room, see me playing with the Matchbox and Hot Wheels
and get down there with me, making up fake car crashes. The way you would make
the noises of the rescue vehicles when I drove them and laugh afterwards. Or
the way you used to sneak videos into my room when I was five and let me sit
with you and watch all the scary movies mom always said I wasn’t allowed to
see.
Most
of all, I wish things could be the way they were the first time Dad ever tried
hitting me.
When
you came flying down the hall and jumped on him. Beating on him as hard as you
could with your hands until he let me go and I could get back to my room where
it was safe.
I
miss the way things were when you were pretending.
Reality
really sucks because I love you. You’re the best, most amazing big brother in
the world. When my teacher asked me who I idolized and wanted to be like when I
was older, it wasn’t our dad that I said. It was you.
I
wanna be you Dean.
I
want to be the pretender.
I
hate when you hit me. I hate when you pour bleach on my cuts trying to get them
clean, and how you laugh when I cry. But most of all, I hate that no matter how
much I do for you, nothing ever makes you smile.
I
hate that I’m not good enough.
That
I can’t be good enough for anyone.
Not
Mom, not Dad, not even for Belle.
You’re
right.
I
am worthless and it is my fault she left. But now that I’ve admitted that, do
you think you can stop being angry so maybe we can hang out again?
I
really miss hanging out.
When
you read this, please don’t be mad. I just wanted you to know, I love you,
Dean.
Your
little brother forever,
Kayden.
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